I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
Everyone has a photographic memory… some just don’t have film.
Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.
All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?
There is a light at the end of every tunnel….just pray it’s not a train!.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Avoid hangovers: stay drunk.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Life is a waste of time and time is a waste of life, so waste your time and have the time of your life !
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
I’m knot a blonde! I’m knot, I’m knot, I’m knot!
It’s not cheating unless you get caught.
Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I’ve done it dozens of times.
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
I’ve got problem for your solution…
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it.
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
Some say the glass is half full, some say the glass is half empty. I say “Are you gonna drink that?”
Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriend’s looks and vise versa.